It’s 4:44am and I’m clearly struggling with jet lag. Staying up until 1:00am ordering new bed sheets online, instead of going to bed in my old ones at a reasonable hour, likely didn’t help.

So instead of tossing and turning in bed and keeping Mogly awake by petting him, I decided to get up and write these thoughts running through my head.

I just returned a few days ago from a three-week trip back home to Canada. It was four years since I had last been home. Three weeks may sound like a long time, but from what I experienced, it felt like seconds.

Honestly, I felt a little anxious about the trip as I wasn’t sure how receptive my family and friends would be in seeing me again. The last few years left me feeling disconnected from loved ones, and I know countless others have felt the same.

To my relief, I felt welcomed and loved from the first minute I walked through the arrival gate and embraced my dad, mom, and sister. As we walked to the car in the parking garage, conversation flowed naturally, as if I saw them the day before.

My time in Canada was filled with non-stop visits. But I am grateful for each one. I met sweet new souls for the first time including grandchildren and my nephew’s fiancé and reunited with family members and friendships rooted from my childhood and beyond. I also had a few unplanned but pleasant encounters.

As an introvert, the intense level of activity was challenging, and at times I got sick of hearing my own voice. To compensate, I really appreciate the haven my parents gave me in their home. Hubby and I had our own little suite in their basement with an incredibly comfortable bed and en suite bathroom. My brother and sister-in-law who have also stayed there can relate to this slice of sanctuary.

Most mornings I had coffee in bed or catching up on a little work. If I made the coffee, I was fortunate to get an extra hug from my dad in the kitchen. Then we would have breakfast which usually included Papa’s famous boiled eggs. I think Nana also appreciated some quite time in the mornings with her bowl of Cheerios and newspaper. But she always greeted us with a warm smile and was open to exchange conversation. It was always wonderful to begin the day in their home.

Maybe this explains why I feel like I’m still in their guest bedroom when waking up. As I explained to a friend, it feels like my body is back in Germany but my spirit is still in Canada. It may also have something to do with the feeling that I wasn’t quite ready to leave and felt sad a few days before I departed.

Reflecting on this since, I think the sadness is a blessing. It means my relationships in Canada are very important and extremely strong to endure a four-year absence.

As human beings, we need people in our lives to love. To give hugs. Spend time together. And even when that time together can’t be physical, we have to rely on the foundation we built these relationships on to know they still exist and are strong—even when we’re an ocean apart.

It’s also OK to disagree at times with our loved ones and engage in conversations that may even get heated. This is healthy, as long as we take turns listening to each other.

As we all have limited time on this earth, we need to make as many special moments possible and treasure those who enrich our lives. This is why I am so grateful for all the moments I had in Canada, and for everyone who took time to share them with me.

I suppose my spirit will return to Germany when it’s ready. In my heart, I know a piece of it will always remain in Canada. 💞