A post from Ralph

Today is the 40th anniversary of the birth of my wife.  I have been given the gift of her love for over 15 of those years and that love has sustained me when I hungered, sheltered me when I was exposed, lifted me when I faltered and freed me when I suffered.

Heather is spiritual, creative, intelligent, loving, compassionate, and passionate.  She is very organized, has learned to cook fantastically under extremely critical scrutiny and enjoys music but can’t sing without frightening small children (and me).  She is beautiful inside and out.

Heather has given me the gift of love without stifling dependence.  Although we prefer to be together whenever possible and as much as possible, if we are apart I never feel that I am less loved or that she is resentful to me because of the separation.  Even though she misses me, she focuses on the time when we will be together again and encourages me to function more effectively at work and even enjoy the time I may get for myself without guilt.  For someone who is required to travel regularly this is an incredible gift that eases what is a very difficult part of my life.

Heather has shared in the responsibility of raising young children through puberty, adolescence and into adulthood from the difficult position of stepmonster.  Her own personal, financial and career goals were often sacrificed to support the parental obligations thrust upon her by her relationship with me but her support was always willingly given and enthusiastically undertaken.  She is now a Mother in the biological sense as well and our son adores her to the point of nausea.  He tells her he loves her the minute he awakes and multiple times during the day- he knows how much she loves him.  She deserves every ounce of his devotion and I admire her ability to love so unconditionally.

From the first days of our journey together as a couple the universe has presented us with many opportunities for growth.  The challenges have spanned the personal, familial, occupational, financial and geographical arenas and Heather has stayed unerringly by my side when no-one, including me would have blamed her for going out for a walk and not coming back.  No matter how difficult things get for her or how unfairly she is treated, she always maintains respect for others and continues to strive to make things better instead of resorting to vindictive behavior or revenge.  She constantly looks for lessons for herself in situations where many would choose to blame, deny or fall into self-pity.

I am truly blessed by having Heather as my wife, partner, lover, friend, confidant and companion.  All of the things that enrich my life are further enhanced by being able to share them with her.  A meal, walk, drive, song, bath, visit with family and friends or a simple glass of wine changes from mundane to extraordinary when we are together.  Heather doesn’t “complete me” but because she deserves the best I can’t help but strive to become more whole in her eyes.  She reflects my image with all its flaws but without disparagement so I feel safe in the exposure and can stay open to improvement.  She makes me want to be a better person.  I hope that my love for her gives her even a portion of the joy hers gives to me.

I always threatened to trade her in for two twenties when she turned forty but instead, I think I’ll keep this girl!

A seed unnourished

has little chance to flourish

She, the sun and rain!


With all the love I can express, Ralph



9 thoughts on “A post from Ralph

  1. Just getting around to reading this now and ditto. Beautifully written, Ralph and I welled up as well. You are both very fortunate to have found each other. Happy belated bday Heather and welcome to the “fabulous @ 40” club!



  2. Very beautiful Ralph….I’m so thankful for my sister that you two found each other and are journeying through life together. You sure are better than barbie doll Ken we played with -lol! Its wonderful to know a couple that cherishes each other so much.


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